Here is basically every self-improvement book in one post.
Over the last decade, I’ve immersed myself in countless self-help books, from the classics to the latest bestsellers.
I’ve tried their methods, followed their advice, and even woke up at ungodly hours just to see if it would change my life.
Spoiler alert: I’m still the same old me, just a bit more sleep-deprived, and now I have a cold plunge in my backyard.
But through this journey, I’ve noticed some interesting patterns, recurring themes, and, let’s be honest, some pretty questionable advice.
So, grab a cup of coffee (or tea, if that’s your thing), get comfortable, and let’s unpack the self-improvement industry. I want to highlight the recurring themes of every single book I’ve read.
The Basics of Self-Help Books
Let’s start with the basics, shall we? If you’ve ever picked up a self-help book, you’ve probably noticed a few things:
They’re thick: Most self-help books are surprisingly hefty. You’d think changing your life would be a quick read, right? Wrong. Apparently, it takes at least 300 pages to tell you to wake up early and think positive thoughts. I’d listen to many of these books on 1.3x speed on walks and sometimes they take me a month just to tell me to make my bed in the morning.
They’re repetitive: Remember when your English teacher told you to never repeat yourself in essays? Well, self-help authors didn’t get that memo. They’ll tell you the same thing ten different ways, just to make sure it really sinks in. Really trying to hit a word count here.
They often assume you’re middle-class: One thing I noticed is that many of these books assume you’ve got some time and resources to spare, but not too much. They’ll casually suggest taking a month off to “find yourself” or investing in $5,000 retreats and seminars. Because, you know, we are all in finance, have a trust fund, are 6’5’’, have blue eyes, and have the resources just waiting to be spent on self-actualization.
They love buzzwords: “Synergy,” “mindfulness,” “paradigm shift”, and “manifestation”, – if you’re not playing self-help bingo while reading these books, you’re missing out
They often infantilize men and dehumanize women: It’s a troubling trend, but many self-help books paint men as overgrown children who can’t function without a guide, while women are often reduced to being perfect, multitasking machines who should look flawless while conquering the world, and that can add extra pressure.
They promise the world: According to these books, you’re just one habit away from being a millionaire, finding true love, being shredded, and achieving eternal happiness. And if you haven’t seen the results yet, it’s only because you don’t 100% truly trust in the process. If only it were that simple.
Now, don’t get me wrong.
There’s value in many of these books.
But it’s important to approach them with a critical eye and a healthy dose of skepticism.
After all, if changing your life was as easy as reading a book, we’d all be living our best lives already and the personal development industry wouldn’t be worth $40 billion.
Common Themes
After reading book after book, I started noticing some recurring themes.
It’s like there’s a secret playbook all self-help authors follow.
Maybe they’re in a group chat together.
Let’s break down some of the most common ones, along with some books that really hone in on these references:
The Early Bird Gets the Worm: If there’s one thing self-help authors agree on, it’s that successful people wake up early. Really early. Like, “why-is-it-still-dark-outside” early. The 5 AM Club by Robin Sharma takes this to the extreme, suggesting that the key to success is joining the “5 AM Club.” Because nothing says “I’m living my best life” like being exhausted by noon, right? I jokingly hate this one, but I actually try to wake up as early as possible. Starting the work day or personal projects with a fresh, untired brain is helpful.
Goal Setting is Everything: Every self-help book hammers home the importance of setting goals. And not just any goals – big, audacious, slightly terrifying goals. The idea is that having a clear target gives your life purpose and direction. Which makes sense, until you realize you’ve set so many goals that achieving them all would require you to live to be 250 years old. Sometimes it is confusing on which goal to actually focus on. Goals change. So sometimes its important to go deeper and clarify your goals.
Declutter Your Life: Marie Kondo took the world by storm with her “does it spark joy?” approach to tidying. And while there’s definitely value in organizing your space and getting rid of junk, some of these books take it to the extreme. Before you know it, you’re thanking your underwear for its service and wondering if your childhood teddy bear still “sparks joy.”
The Power of Positive Thinking: Books like “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne push the idea that you can manifest anything you want just by thinking about it really, really hard. Lost your job? Just visualize yourself as a CEO! Truly feel as if your wish has come true! Want a million dollars? Just believe it’ll happen! While positive thinking is great, these books often oversimplify complex issues. Mindset and truly believing you’re capable of achieving things is essential, but you must also put in the action and work behind it.
Time is Money: The 4-Hour Work Week by Timothy Ferriss popularized the idea that we should all strive to work less and earn more. And while that sounds great in theory, the reality is often more complicated. These books can make you feel like a failure if you’re not running a successful online business from a beach in Bali. And many business owners do have put in the 40-100 hour work weeks for their business to get off the ground before they can delegate and scale back their own hours.
Habits are the Key to Success: From “Atomic Habits” by James Clear to “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhigg, many self-help books focus on the power of habits. And while there’s solid science behind habit formation, some books make it sound like changing your habits is as easy as flipping a switch. Spoiler alert: it’s not.
Mindfulness and Meditation: It seems like every other self-help book these days is preaching the benefits of mindfulness and meditation. And while these practices can be incredibly beneficial, some books present them as a cure-all for everything from anxiety to chronic pain.
The Importance of Grit: Angela Duckworth’s “Grit” sparked a whole genre of books about the importance of perseverance and passion. While there’s definitely value in sticking to your goals, some of these books can make you feel like a failure if you ever decide to change direction or give up on a goal that’s no longer serving you.
Financial Freedom: Books like “Rich Dad Poor Dad” by Robert Kiyosaki focus on achieving financial freedom. While financial literacy is crucial, some of these books oversimplify complex economic systems. And they always talk about real estate. A couple weeks ago I spoke to a guy doing 9 figure real estate deals. Just chatted a little bit – I told him how I know most millionaires are made in real estate. And he said that was wrong, and that most are made in business and then they buy real estate.
The Power of Vulnerability: Brené Brown’s work on vulnerability has inspired countless books on the topic. And while opening up can be powerful, some books make it sound like sharing your deepest fears with everyone you meet is the key to happiness.
While all of these themes have merit, it’s important to remember that what works for one person might not work for another.
The key is to take what resonates with you and leave the rest.
The Reality Check
Now that we’ve covered the common themes, let’s talk about the elephant in the room: the gap between what these books promise and reality.
First things first: You’re going to fail. A lot. And that’s okay.
In fact, it’s more than okay – it’s necessary.
Most self-help books gloss over this part, painting a rosy picture of steady progress toward your goals.
But the reality is messier.
You’ll have setbacks.
You’ll make mistakes.
You’ll wonder why you ever thought you could do this in the first place.
And this has happened to me. I’ve sold programs that flopped.
I’ve fallen off my diet countless times.
I’ve failed tests.
I got a C in art class in 3rd grade.
But here’s the thing: those failures are where the real growth happens.
They’re opportunities to learn, to adjust your approach, and to build resilience.
So if you find yourself face-planting on your journey to self-improvement, congratulations!
You’re doing it right.
Second: Most of these books are selling you a dream, not a realistic plan.
They paint a picture of a perfect life that’s just within reach if you follow their advice.
But life is complicated, messy, and often unpredictable.
No book can account for all the variables in your unique situation.
And you will realize that most people are really just winging it.
No one knows what they’re doing.
Third: The “secrets” they reveal are often just common sense dressed up in fancy language.
Eat well, exercise, get enough sleep, work hard, be kind to others, and don’t stress – these aren’t revolutionary ideas.
But package them up with some scientific jargon and personal anecdotes, and suddenly it’s a bestseller.
Fourth: These books often ignore systemic issues and personal circumstances.
They can make you feel like any failure to achieve your goals is purely a personal shortcoming, rather than acknowledging the very real barriers that may exist in society or your genetics.
Some people are just not meant to be doctors.
Most are not meant to be president.
Someone making $100k could feel more rich than someone making $1M.
Fifth: The authors of these books are often really good at one thing: marketing themselves.
They’ve built personal brands around their ideas, and their goal is to also sell books, not just to improve your life.
Lastly: Change is hard.
Really hard.
These books often make it sound like transforming your life is as easy as following a few simple steps.
But changing ingrained habits and thought patterns takes time, effort, and often support from others.
None of this is to say that self-help books are worthless.
They can provide motivation, new perspectives, and useful strategies.
But it’s important to approach them with realistic expectations and a critical mindset.
What Actually Matters
So, after wading through all these books, what actually matters when it comes to self-improvement?
Here are some key takeaways:
Find Your Own Purpose: Don’t let others dictate what’s important to you. Self-help books often present a one-size-fits-all vision of success, but what matters is finding what gives your life meaning. Maybe for you, that’s climbing the corporate ladder. Or maybe it’s mastering the art of baking sourdough bread. Or coaching CEO’s. Or running a Pilates studio. The point is, it’s your life, and you get to decide what success looks like.
Take the Long View: Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is a better you. Small, consistent improvements add up over time. This is actually one area where many self-help books get it right. Focus on making tiny improvements every day, and over time, you’ll see big changes.
Be Mentally Tough: Life is going to throw curveballs at you. Developing mental toughness – the ability to persevere through difficulties – is crucial. And here’s a secret: most of the time, you have more in you than you think. When you feel like giving up, remember that you’re probably only using about 40% of your actual capacity.
Learn to Learn: One of the most valuable skills you can develop is the ability to learn efficiently. Understand how you learn best, and apply that to everything you do. Whether it’s through books, experiences, or learning from others, cultivating a love of learning will serve you well throughout your life.
Take Action: Reading about self-improvement is easy. Actually doing the work is hard. But it’s in the doing that real change happens. So by all means, read the books – but make sure you’re also taking action based on what you learn.
Be Adaptable: Life is unpredictable. Plans will go awry. Goals will change. Being able to adapt to new circumstances is often more valuable than rigidly sticking to a plan.
Build Relationships: Many self-help books focus on individual achievement, but the reality is that our relationships play a huge role in our happiness and success. Invest time in building and maintaining meaningful relationships. Get a mentor or a coach. Learning and growing with other like-minded people makes the process much more fun and more likely to be a success.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Self-improvement shouldn’t come at the cost of your mental health. It’s okay to have off days, to make mistakes, to not always be at your best.
Focus on What You Can Control: There’s so much in life that we can’t control. Instead of stressing about those things, focus your energy on what you can influence.
Don’t Be Shitty: This might be the most important one. In your quest for self-improvement, don’t forget to be a decent human being. Be kind. Be honest. Help others when you can. At the end of the day, how you treat others says more about you than any achievement or goal you might reach.
Remember, self-improvement is a journey, not a destination.
It’s not about reaching some mythical state of perfection, but about continually growing and evolving as a person.
So there you have it – a deep dive into the confusing world of self-help and self-improvement. It’s a industry full of contradictions, oversimplifications, and yes, some genuinely helpful advice.
The key is to approach it all with a critical mind.
Take what works for you and leave the rest.
Remember that no one book or author has all the answers.
Your journey is unique, and what works for someone else might not work for you.
Most importantly, be patient with yourself.
Change takes time.
You’re not going to transform your life overnight, no matter what the latest bestseller promises.
But with consistent effort, a willingness to learn from your mistakes, and a dash of self-compassion, you can make meaningful improvements in your life.
If you’re interested in more tips related to becoming a top tier human, fill out my 1 on 1 coaching application from the button below to become fitter and healthier – guaranteed in 90 days.
All the best,
Dr. Christian